I Die Because I Don't Die

I live without living in me
and thus I hope,
for I die because I don't die.

1. I no longer live in me,
and without God I cannot live;
since I would be left without Him and without me;
this "living" what would it be?
It would be a thousand deaths to me,
since I hope for my own life,
dying because I don't die.

2. This life which I live is a denial of living,
and is thus a continual dying
until I live with you.
Hear, my God, what I say,
that I no longer want this life,
for I die because I don't die.

3. Being absent from you,
what life can I have,
except suffer death,
never seeing the greater?
I am sorry for myself,
that per chance I continue,
for I die because I don't die.

4. Even a fish that comes out of water
does not lack relief,
for in the death that is suffers,
in the end that death helps it.
What death might there be which would equal
my sorrowful living,
since if I live more I die more?

5. When I think of relieving myself
looking at You in the Sacrament,
it gives me more emotion
not to be able to enjoy you;
it is all for greater regret,
to not see you as I want,
and I die because I don't die.

6. And if I take joy, Lord,
in the hope of seeing you,
my pain is doubled;
living in such distress
and hoping as I hope,
I die because I don't die.

7. Withdraw me from this death,
my God, and give me life;
do not keep me bound
in this so strong a bond;
look that I am in pain to see you,
and my ill is so complete,
that I die because I don't die.

8. I shall already weep my death
and I'll lament my life
in so far as it is
held back by my sins.
O my God!, When will it be
when I shall truly say:
I already live because I don't die?

Muero Porque no Muero, Saint John of the Cross (Feast 14 December)

The translation is my own.